I’m at a soccer clinic, in the bleachers when the phone rings:
ME: Hello
STACEY: Hi it’s me.
ME: Can I call you back? I’m watching the kids.
STACEY: Just one quick question. Have you ever put your finger up your vagina?
ME: [Howling with laughter] Stacey, this is insane, can I put you on speakerphone?
STACEY: No! Please don’t be Jessica the blogger, please just answer my question.
ME: Okay, what’s the question.
STACEY: I got really stoned the other night and I couldn’t remember if there was a tampon in so I put my finger in my vagina and I felt a bump. Do you have a bump there too? I think I have a tumor.
[I am now gasping for breath laughing hysterically while 25 parents look on]
ME: When you touched the tumor did it feel good?
STACEY: Uh, yeah. It felt really good.
ME: It’s your G Spot. Mazel tov Stacey, you found it.
Two hours later from home.
STACEY: I’m still worried that it’s not normal. Candy won’t answer her phone and what if it’s a tumor.
ME: Ask your OB.
STACEY: Wait until Monday? I can’t wait that long.
ME: Then google it, I’m sure you’re fine.
STACEY: I did. All I got was porn.
All any blogger needs is one Stacey in their life. Fiction could never be this grand.
13 comments… read them below or add one
Hysterical! I hope she… resolves this.
Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???
Haha! Nice! Hope her OB gives her good news on Monday.
I have a friend like Stacey, and you’re right, everyone should have a friend like her in their life.
I haven’t heard anything this hilarious since I used to live with a bunch of guys. I need a girlfriend like this.
You are so brave.
I have never clicked off your page so quick as today….my 8 yr old was looking on….now the only thing that made me laugh harder than this was knowing I have been that mom in the bleachers laughing at something only I knew of.
And we learn another reason why Jane is such a great resource!
lol hilarious
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
may i ask how old is Stacey?
***********Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???************
But it’s not as funny…. 8-P
Just wait for the phone call the first time she experiences female ejaculation. Or multiple orgasms via anal sex. SUPER MAZEL TOV will be in order then.
Too Funny!! Even for a gay guy. Poor thing
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