I play tennis. A lot.
My husband plays a few days a week too (he’s more employed than I). Between the two of us there are about eight cans of tennis balls being used each week.
Typically I save the old tennis balls and drop them off at the dog park when I’ve filled a grocery sack, but recently I’ve noticed a change in my neighborhood.
Traffic.
Apparently the navigation systems make it easier for folks to meander around the side streets during rush hour. Which is awesome, if you aren’t speeding. I’m noticing that around 5pm there are cars flying down my street.
If you follow me on Twitter, you’d also know that 5pm is the beginning of cocktail hour. Cocktail hour means I get creative and I lose my inhibitions (there weren’t a ton of them to begin with).
Every so often you’ll find me sitting on the bench in my front yard with a bucket of tennis balls and a glass of Merlot. When I hear an engine revving at the end of the street, and I know they’re getting ready for the Grand Prix I calmly dip my hand into the bucket.
And chuck a tennis ball right into the middle of the road.
When the car comes to a screeching halt, freaked out and thinking that a kid might come running after the ball I am deeply satisfied. I sip my wine and listen for the next car.
It’s called recycling.
26 comments… read them below or add one
OMG You are the absolute pinnacle of human evolution – next time throw one for me willya please?
;-)
Oh. My. Gosh. You’re my hero! I’d say you’re my favorite drunk, but I’m partial to Kiki. Sorry, Gottlieb.
Oh, Poodle, for a second I almost felt something. But we’ve got to hand it to Gottlieb here. This tennis ball recycling business is very special.
You’re my kind of recycler!
Omg YES… I am SO doing that here, people in Calgary are fucking stupid when it comes to driving.
Dang, Jessica, that’s almost as brilliant as the ‘invisible rope’ trick that my daughter’s gang does tugging on either side of the street as if there’s a wire there. Slows ‘em right down. The turkeys. Now about those tennis balls…my golden is sorely lacking in the recycled finds as of late, so maybe when I head to L.A. next week we can connect and you can put some in my trunk? ;-) (Going to the EARTH premiere…you?)
I would like to try this at red lights. You know, toss balls at the people who are busy texting and don’t see the light turn green. I might even recruit my kids to toss balls to tailgaters out their windows. Tailgating is rampant in these parts.
HA! Beautiful. Just beautiful.
That. Is. Awesome.
OMG. Do you have any extra tennis balls you can give me? I am so tired of the people speeding up my street – your way sounds lots more effective than just giving them the finger.
I have threatened to do this for years….I’d given anything to see the look on some teenagers face when I chuck a ball at their car. Not to mention it would help my placement shots.
I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard when I read this.
that’s hilarious. but why do you have to stop using tennis balls after playing a game with them? do they go ‘bad’ or something?
LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT!!!! LOVE IT!!!!
CHEERS!!
OMG! Ha ha ha haaaa! Priceless! I actually pictured you in my mind! Funny! You are my kind of writer! I’ll be coming back for more! :oD
This is a fabulous, creative, evil, and wonderful idea! I don’t have cans of tennis balls in the garage; I’ll check out the rummage sales.
This is dangerous and stupid. You should seriously think about doing something like this.
1. What if the drivers goes into shock and steers odly, crashing into another car, people or similar?
2. What if the drivers lose their shock reflex and next time they see a ball coming they just drive on and eventually a child will come running after the ball this time.
Seriously, this is highly dangerous and you should reconsider your selection of hobbies.
You’re awesome.
Comment again when somebody pulls out a gun and shoots your drunken a**!
Pictures. I would like to see pictures. No, better yet…video!
here in michigan, we use rocks to solve the traffic problem in our neighborhood. perhaps tennis balls would be the gentler, kinder…greener…way.
Probably your best post ever, IMHO. XOXO! — Carole
I work as a nanny in a neighborhood with very narrow streets and a 25mph speed limit. I have stopped bus drivers, neighbors and the HOA PRESIDENT in the middle of the road and informed them that I don’t appreciate them putting everyone on the sidewalk in harms way. I might need to go to Costco and buy a case of tennis balls. Brilliant, madam. Brilliant.
that is brilliant, love!
Careful, I believe this is illegal. I used to do this with a soccer ball and was advised by a policeman that throwing anything towards a moving vehicle is a misdemeanor.
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