Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand was printed today at the New York Times. You don’t have to read it. It’s written with a self loathing pen. Jennifer Mendelson may understand writing, but she clearly doesn’t understand what a conference is. Bloggy Boot Camp is different from other conferences in that it’s attendees are a homogeneous group, but aside from that it offers a good mix of education and networking.
Ask me why I’d get a babysitter for my kids (my mother is the babysitter don’t froth), fly to Vegas at noon, keynote a small but important conference, and fly back in time to tuck my kids in?
Ask me. Because I’ll tell you.
Tiffany is the reason why I’d drop everything and break my two biggest rules of blogging.
I don’t work free
Blogging doesn’t take away from family time
When Tiffany asks me if I can give up a day of my life, talk to a room full of my peers and not get paid I squee in delight. That woman gives more than she takes, and when I get a chance to give back, I do.
So, when an article hits the New York Times talking about the silliness of Mommy Blogging, and I’ll grant you there is silliness, I take great offense. I don’t take great offense because it’s so wholly inaccurate, truth can be found and manipulated anywhere. 24,000 hits to a single post on any website matters, it doesn’t matter if it’s for your tutu. Moms talk about tutu’s, when did that become a revelation?
I know the author is a blogger too, and there’s some self loathing that comes along with being a Mommy Blogger. I’m a Mommy Blogger, I get it. The pseudonyms in use are ridiculous, but that’s something we talk about inside our community, not outside.
If you’re a Mommy Blogger get used to small doses of ridicule. They will come from two sides, people who don’t have kids yet and think we are silly (trust me they mock us in real life too) and parents who don’t blog, and are a bit jealous. That’s all.
She’s right in that many of these women will never make “real money” with blogging, but when my kids were tiny a few boxes of diapers or an extra stroller would have helped us out quite a bit. The reality is that your blog can serve as a resume. When people ask me if I have one I just point them here. If you think you want to make money with your blog, or just create a place online to showcase your talents Bloggy Boot Camp will help you.
I resent the title. Since the New York Times has it’s very own Mommy Blogger in Lisa Belkin, I can’t help but wonder if she, too blanched a little.
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This storm hasn’t reached the UK yet… I honestly hope it doesn’t.
I’ve known Tiffany for 6 years. She introduced me to my husband. If she said jump, I’d go out and buy a damn pogo stick. And what she does for bloggers, for women who support one another? Is nothing short of amazing.
The NY Times article doesn’t deserve this much attention or energy. But the wonderful women who populate the internet community do. I don’t know where I’d be without them.
I, too, was there. And witnessed the openness, the camaraderie, the willingness to share information, the community.
The NYT author purposely chose to not explore this avenue.
It’s a shame.
Great article. I am in phone sales at my day job (no…not a “telemarketer”) but I run into the same issue. People are quick to pigeon hole you and lump you in with the handful of bad apples that are out there. True professional Mom Bloggers are an elite group. Together we are a positive Power of Mommy.
Kudos. A very well-written response to a not-so-well-written slam on mommy blogging. :)
Count me confused.
The title was awful…a few years ago it would have read “Honey, don’t bother mommy I am busy telling the world about how you pee the bed”
The article? How was it awful?
Was it not factual?
The author seemed to be using the same “tone” that bloggers use…her mention of the barefoot speaker didn’t seem snarky to me, more that it showed how casual and comfortable this conference was…the mimosa in bright plastic cups, was that not true?…it didnt come across (to me) judgemental at all…more to point out that the attending mom’s were happy to be able to get some time away and enjoy a drink and learn a thing or two.
I do not understand the knee-jerk response to this article, I just don’t.
Blogging IS changing. Ten years ago, when I first blogged, it was anonymous and fast-paced and I said what I wanted. Three years ago the mommy-blogger phenomenon was in full-swing and people who didn’t “get it” were complaining about “those poor kids..their privacy…how DARE she say those things” and women were out there SAYING things. It was about darn time!
Now?
Now, a considerable amount of blogs that I come across through SITS or Wordless Wednesday or by browsing through the commenters on my fave mommy bloggers sites are all about the product reviews…the giveaways…the ads ads ads….and there is nothing wrong with that but it isn’t about the writing anymore for a lot of bloggers and even some of the “old faithfuls” have honestly toned down their posts now that they have sponsers to worry about.
Once blogging becomes your JOB…and your family’s income comes (partially or fully) from it…you have to dedicate the time to it…build it just like any business.
It really IS becoming more about “branding” and marketing…and the conferences are teaching that, are they not?
However you still have choices on what kind of blogger you want to be..and the BloggyBootcamp sounds like it was about the business side.
Blogging IS changing..especially the mommy-blogger genre…and I think that this author did a fair job reporting on ONE conference and it was to point out that Moms are now taking what used to be considered a “oh isnt that cute, your mommy BLOGS” to “oh yeah, well Mommy is paying the light bill with this blog, how ya like me now?”
I say more power to each blogger out there. Don’t let one article get you so riled up that it takes the focus away from what you love. Just keep rocking the path you choose.
Mindy
I have to agree. The comments about the tutu and sippy cups were a little snarky, but the writer admitted she herself was a blogger:
“(Disclosure: My own blog, in which I write about everything from “American Idol” to my love of Alpha-Bits, was once included on a list of the Top 50 “lesser-known mom bloggers.”)”
As a former journalist, I feel the need to remind everyone that newspapers are dying rather quickly and many of them are employing people to write blogs to connect more with the readers. There is a bit of resentment towards “mommy bloggers,” especially super-successful ones like Pioneer Woman. Newspapers could have gotten on the bandwagon much sooner, but they refused to take blogging seriously for years.
Don’t let this stop the great blogging going on–just keep going and enjoy what you do. I have to admit I agree that it needs to be more about the writing and less about the giveaways.
When I first read that NYT article, I thought “this must have been written by a man.”
Regardless, the least she could have done is linked back to SITS and/or Heather & Tiffany’s blogs. Bad journalism as far as I’m concerned.
Sigh. So much vitroil and negativity about something that brings so many people (mostly women who are Moms) so much joy.
I don’t think I’ll ever really get it.
Gah! I meant ‘vitriol’.
My fingers are broken.
I have read all of the comments from the sits site & the support speaks for itself. I’m new to blogging but what an amazing support system it creates. You know her comment box HAS to be blowing up right now …with hate mail. There are too many of us out there that love to comment! No worries!
Very well put. I don’t think the criticism should make one bit of difference if you believe in what your putting out there on your blog.
This was extremely well written. I, too, was aphauled with the article & the thought that this fellow mom blogger wrote like such a hypocrite. Have you visited her blog? It’s nothing close to extrordinary. In fact, it’s quite ordinary. Like most of us mom bloggers…who enjoy writing about the things important to us…who enjoy posting pictures of our children….who enjoy sharing tips with moms alike. Shame on the NY Times for thinking this was newsworthy.
Nobody puts Tiffany in a corner. She does far too much good in the blogosphere…and in her everyday life…for that. Thanks for this, Jessica.
Our community admittedly has its faults. However, it renews my faith in what we do when we can stand together when one of our own is thrown under the bus.
Stopping by from SITS — Interesting post — The truth is, by selling your blog as being about your life as a mom, you are a mom blogger… the hard part is making the rest of the world a. interested in what you have to say and b. understand that “mom blogger” can mean a lot of different things
Very well said. But I wouldn’t expect any less from you! ;)
This is why I like to say that I’m a momME blogger; because my blog is about ME. And yes, I do have kids and I do write about them, but that is because they are a part of my life, the best part.
I.love.this.post! I think you are giving a perfectly balanced perspective on this article. And I love that everyone is being dismissive of this lady rather than being angry and vindictive to her. I think that would be totally the wrong direction to go, as we’ve learned from the last several Twitter firestorms. I think being cooly dismissive is a much more appropriate response. Good for you!
I was in the group at SITScation so I know first-hand what fabulous people Tiff and Heather are and all of the good things they try to do for us, so I think it’s wonderful that so many of us are jumping up to defend them. I’d write a post to, but I couldn’t possibly put together anything to top what you’ve got here.
I am a mommy blogger, though I don’t bill myself as one. I have children and I blog, but I blog about a little of everything. I would have loved to attended the conference, however it is not in my budget at this time. There are many things I’d like to accomplish through blogging, and building my brand is one of them. I can only say THANK YOU to Tiffany and Heather for the wonderful opportunities SITS provides in my effort to ‘break out’ if you will.
As a fairly new blogger, I have found that SITS has helped tremendously, not in my goal of generating money but finding people who share similar interests and them to find me. No matter what a parent does, she is judged so I am going to ignore this author’s comments and remember that I know best. Other mommy bloggers should remember this as well.
LisaDay
Thanks for this Jessica. You’re right. Tiffany puts on an amazing conference. SHe knows what she’s talking about and I gleaned more from SITS in Vegas than any other conference I attended last year. Besides that… I got my second set of pictures with you! *teehee*
When Tiffany asked me to speak to Mompreneurs at the Phoenix stop… I was beyond honored. I think I sqee’d and tweeted that I was peeing my pants in excitement. I’m sorting out what I’d like to say now.
If the NY Times wants to stop by my session… by all means… come on by. I’ve learned from the best (including you, Jessica Gottlieb, Allison Worthington of Blissfully Domestic, Tiffany Romero of SITS, Gabrielle Blair of Kirtsy and more) and now I’m ready to pass on some of that knowledge to others.
So thank you for speaking out and writing about this much more eloquently that I could have. Perhaps that should be the next #bloggybootcamp session I should attend.
Totally agree. I wasn’t quite as nice as you in my post about it. I was a bit pissed and let it out! LOL
Great response. I went “huh?” when I got to the part where she is blogger to. Lol…sigh. This is why we have SITS in the first place. Negative Nancys abound. I have been with SITS for two years now and I have never regretted it. Food bloggers get the same flack..so I’m hit from both sides. Times are changing..changing times.
You hit the nail on the head! Tiffany rocks and does so much for those of us who are apparently neglecting our children in exchange for free BBQ sauce ;) I attended Sitscation in Vegas and went to Bloggy Boot Camp because anything that Tiffany plans is put together with professionalism, attention to detail and opportunities for genuine networking and learning. Thanks for standing up for my friend!
The mommy blogging community is just that, it’s a community. I don’t see it as something that’s about business or income. I see it as a -community- of women and mothers who support each other. That support is priceless and is a needed part of the lives of women everywhere.
WOW. I just read the article and OUCH. She sucks! your post says it all!
I don’t know why it has to be made to seem silly. Like it’s less important that we as mothers get together and learn a little. Has there not been numerous articles written over the years about how mothers need to take care of themselves or they will have nothing left for the kids. Well, blogging is “me” time. It’s hard to fit much in but that I can and… I learn from other’s experiences. That’s not a bad or even silly thing.
The article was clearly written with an agenda and a bit of resentment.
Blogging, mommy or otherwise, is different things to different people. At least we’re occupying ourselves with creative pursuits. Where is the harm in that?
Love this response to the article.
Very nicely put. The title was completely ridiculous. Although I didn’t attend the conference, and I don’t have children, SITS is a great group, and I really appreciate all my SITStas.
Well said. In my opinion, the Times article was rubbish – sensationalism at it’s worst. I linked to you in my post
Thanks for voicing the feelings of so many bloggers.
Your response is very well written.
Hard to fathom what Jennifer’s gripe is. It’s just sad and painful when women attack women. Her smug tone and condescending attitude was so mean spiritied. Doesn’t she get it that that kind of negativity is what’s wrong with the world? Jennifer, it’s not about who’s better or smarter it’s about who’s trying . Afterall, we’re all in this together like it or not!
I have heard about this article from the Times, but I refuse to read it. I know it’s just going to get my panties all in a bunch. I really don’t get the concept though. That all mommy bloggers are in it for the money, and aren’t paying attention to their kids? Gimme a break. We’re all very different women, and we’re in the blogging game for different reasons. Personally? I’m just having fun. I put a couple ads up to see if I could make some extra scratch, but I am certainly not ignoring my son in the hopes of achieving some kind of powerful “brand” awareness. And if we ARE building a successful site, WHY THE FUCK IS THAT A NEGATIVE THING? We want women to be able to be successful professionally but also be mothers, but then when a mother is successful we get all catty about it? Come on ladies, we’re better than that, it’s not high school anymore.
I’m deeply troubled. Is this how we mom bloggers treat one of our own? No doubt, it’s not a surprise that people will read the same article and come away with different reactions, but it’s my hope that even when we disagree, we can still treat each other with respect and kindness. Have any of us reached out to the author of the article? Have we gently asked her about how her words were edited? Are we treating her the same way we’d like to be treated, if roles were reversed?
I have fought back and forth on what to say but I had to tell Tiffany first exactly how much I adore and love the work she does. She and Heather are an intricate part of our community and give selflessly at all times. To portray a conference as if moms don’t leave the house except to fetch groceries and the gnomes from school is ludicrous. Portraying Tiffany in an even darker light was a LOW BLOW. The grace, eloquence, class and style that she carries is what allowed her to feel so comfortable to take her shoes off to “work” in a room of partial strangers, who also thought nothing of it (except for said reporter).
Yes we have our “silliness” if we can go as far as to say that, what clique, niche, part of life does not have silliness. However, to belittle, berate, and portray brilliant women in an unflattering light does nothing but make you look like a douche. I can see how the article may portray a “sub-culture” if you will that is “mommy blogging” but really what does it matter? Unless of course the “sub-culture” of supposed real journalists feel a tad threatened by the fact that moms can have MBA’s, PhD’s, wipe asses, blog, make the bacon, fry it up and still get, send, and receive the latest news and trends before them. Sorry I digress.
I am ever so proud to be part of a SITSahood of bloggers 5000+ strong.
Woot!
Thank you Jessica.
I’m a mommy. I’m a mommy of 20-somethings girls. I’m a grandmommy. I would have given my eye teeth when my kids were little for the opportunity to connect with other women from home – work from home – maybe make a little money for the “extras” since my DH worked 2 jobs. But the internet wasn’t invented then.
Blogging has given me another avenue to “build my resume” … so when I retire I can work from home, enjoy the grandkids, and be a Granny Nanny.
Sounds like Network from 1976 … to me.
i agree- no need to take offense when it is so completely wrong. mommy bloggers are the best and they are adding to their family lifestyle not taking away from it.
Go points and well written. My husband, after reading the article, asked if the journalist even knew what the entire blog world was about. It seemed to us that she was writing from a limited point of view and failed to actually research with this entire “world” is about.
Wonderfully well written. I had just gotten over my steam from the rude Colorado Pen guy, and this just gets me fired up again. I guess because until recently I have never gotten any poor attitudes about it. I have only been doing this since August. Not only has my family gotten perks from it, but I have had worlds of writing opened up for me.
Oh good grief. Someone wrote a condescending, insulting article. But for the amount of ink we’re giving it, you’d think somone re-crucified the Lord.
This is Not That Important. I realize that we’ve all worked ourselves into a fine frenzy over it, but it’s not. And shouldn’t we all just stop sending people over to read the freaking article? Do you all realize how many extra hits, and therefore, how much extra REVENUE, you’re giving the Times today?
I’m grateful to Heather and Tiffany and the whole SITS community. My blog is a little insignificant thing I do. I’ve never made a penny off of it. I don’t spend a lot of time doing it. I spend more time hanging out on SITS and supporting a community of women. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Support? Apparently the writer from the NY Times just doesn’t get it.
Cheers :-)
- CoconutPalmDesigns
Excellent response. What annoyed me was not just the title and tone of the piece, but some of the comments left behind by people who patently don’t read so-called mommy blogs or are not even parents.
I found myself registering just so I could leave a comment. I guess in a sense NYT got what they wanted – they’ve stirred up a hornet’s nest and lots of traffic from the very people they’re pointing fingers and laughing at. It’s the oldest trick in the J-book. Hopefully some of the more cogent and relevant writing from mothers who blog will find an equally influential forum.
There’s so much conversation on this article and I’m glad about that. I’m infuriated, as well — especially about the title. The thing that the MSM will never really get (until we as women control it) is that even when we become mothers (!) we have ambitions to help our families, create supportive communities and still believe we can be taken seriously! I only half jokingly talk about my desire for world domination. Until we have more women running the media and corporations, portrayals of women and mothers aren’t going to change.
Love you.
Love Tiffany.
Love a place where being a mother isn’t completely marginalized- the innerwebs.
Have no more words for this writer’s behavior.
You are so right, even if you don’t make a lot of money with your blog, “your blog can serve as a resume.” As a writer, it’s such a great thing to have.
As someone else pointed out, the title of the article was written to infuriate and start this discussion. Entirely possible. Same with the obnoxious graphic for the article. If nothing else, my response to the article on my blog serves as another example of my writing, and I discovered many more great blogging moms after reading a lot of the articles and comments :)
Best,
Dagmar
Dagmar’s momsense
Perfectly said!
I think some of these paid journalists get their nose out of joint with mom blogs because we must threaten them a bit. Why else would they have the need to knock us? The difference is people go to our blogs because they enjoy reading them, not because they happen to be in print with a lot of other things. For a lot of us, writing is a natural talent and it’s nice to find friends in the blogosphere that we have things in common with. We can be true to ourselves in our blogs, not at the hand of an editor telling us what we can and can’t say. Blog on, Baby!
I read the article and I believe that Jennifer was not attacking mommy blogs. You are reacting to the title and the picture which were provided by NY Times. She was making commentary on the phenomena of mommy blogs and the growing necessity to brand yourselves. Your readers complain about women attacking other women, but are they not doing the same to her. This virile attack on her needs to stop.
Think about where the idea of professionalizing motherhood is coming from. We have such high expectations that we receive from the media and from each other and mommy blogs sometimes perpetuate this insane competition, and the branding of motherhood is buying into the capitalism regime and colonizing motherhood as a political and economic venture.
Whatever happened to being a mom and raising good kids with common sense without condemning other women. I have seen the “mommy war” mommy blogs, and they are brutal. Horizontal violence will not solve the problems that mothers are facing such as lower wages than their counterparts, lower respect, and perceived incompetence in the workplace. We are also paying e cost for leaving the market place to raise children and suffer a motherhood wage penalty while our male partners are experiencing fatherhood rewards.
Am I against mommy blogging? Absolutely not! I believe that it is a powerful outlet for women that helps with social networking and builds community. I just want to put some perspective on the situation.
I think, perhaps, for those who are wondering why this not wholly inaccurate, had some good points, article is rankling it has to do with the fact that this is the tone ALMOST EVERY mainstream article about moms who blog has taken. Would they speak this way of male bloggers? If you see a conference with a little squeeing and a lot of serious and uplifting work being done, is it factual to lead with the squeeing? But is it accurate and truthful? Picking and choosing one’s examples and crafting a tone to match a stereotype is not worthy of these papers of record. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.
There is *nothing* wrong with tutus–I have fun crafting and I represent several of those thousands of hits on that tutorial. But that example was chosen out of many, and presented in such a way, to imply that the things moms do are frivolous. And that they are taking away from the raising of children and keeping of house.
At what point will the WaPo or the NYTimes bust out the article about the women who have built a valuable business, saved lives, created social change, etc. with their blogs?
How about, “Come Here, Sweetheart, and See What Mommy is Doing–We’re Changing the World!”
Jessica, You aren’t terribly bright. You clearly did “get” Jen Mendelson’s NYT piece. Grow up and leave Jennifer alone. You are obviously so caught up in your narcisstic world of Mommy blogging that you weren’t able to discern Jennifer’s lighthearted look at a new and interesting cultural trend.
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