Orlando was a blast. It wasn’t a little bit fun, it was two and a half days of having every second planned. We had theme parks, restaurants, a luau, The Blue Man Group and a movie in the pool (that was impromptu). The kids were tired, I’m not sure that they’ve ever had that level of activity before. A VIP Universal Tour isn’t the vacation I ever would have planned, but it’s the vacation I should have planned. I’ll post about that another day.

I have to say we lucked out. There were a half a dozen families, and a half a dozen terrific kids. Two days can be a very long time if you aren’t in good company, and all the kids were just fabulous. I realize I’m being vague. I’m tired. I’ll have to write a long post about our days, because y’all really won’t believe all we did in just two days.

Last night, after two solid days of running around Universal I got to meet a group of bloggers I’ve been wanting to meet. It was about four years ago that I started to follow Mike online. Mike led me to Steven and then to Keith, and before I knew it I was eavesdropping on the funniest guys online. And some of the kindest too.

When my life was falling apart I would get almost daily emails from Mike. There was so much safety for me when I would get those emails. As I was saying goodbye to my dearest friend Steven I was having a hard time managing my day to day existence. My girlfriends and my neighbors would say, “hi, how are you?” and they didn’t really mean how are you. They just meant “hi”. I’d start to weep, or worse, grit my teeth.

Having friends at a distance can be extraordinarily helpful when you’ve run out of nice. Mike will never know the real impact of his words.

Last night I got to meet Mike, Steven and Keith, and they did not disappoint. It was absolutely magical to meet someone that you feel like you already know, only to find out that all your instincts are absolutely correct. Warm, funny, irreverent… They brought along Manny and Mark, who are also absolutely hysterical. I’m pretty sure I’d abandon all my housework if I lived near these men. Everyone knows that a housewife without her gays is a pot without a lid.

My friends the DeVores came and joined us. I’d never met Tessa before, but I’d met David through Jeff Pulver, and everyone knows David Junior. Being able to introduce two sets of friends is a great joy, and I was pleased that everyone laughed and enjoyed each other’s company.

From nine to 11 pm the eight of us nursed cocktails while the kids watched The Karate Kid in the pool of the Hard Rock Hotel. It was a wonderful night. Saying goodbye was difficult.

Except for the fact that the kids and I had to get up at 3.30 in the morning to catch a 6am flight. You see, last week I got an email asking if I could do a cameo on Funny Or Die. They wanted to know if I was available on September 1. I swear to all that is holy, had I been scheduled for open heart surgery, I’d have postponed it.It’s Funny or Die. It’s WHY the Internet was invented (shut up, not everyone thinks the net was invented for porn).

So we hopped on the 6am flight, the kids were, once again, terrific, and I dropped them off at home, took a quick shower, and ran to be on set by eleven. I had my hair and makeup done, and then I sat in the video tent to watch the actresses do their thing.

As I’d been chomping at the bit to have my cameo I’d forgotten one important thing. This isn’t Momversation, the news, or Dr. Phil, this is acting, and they expected an actress. Once again, I hadn’t really thought things through.

Just after lunch they got to my scene, and with about 800 pounds of makeup on I did what they asked me to. And I realized that it was difficult. i think we had seven takes on the one shot, and two or three on the closeups, and the worst part of it was how nice everyone was.

I know, that sounds weird. But I’d spent an hour watching two very good actresses turn a script into a great scene with tons of energy, and I just felt weird. There were like twenty people watching us, and they kept telling me that I was doing a great job, but it didn’t feel great. I just felt nervous and out of my element, but  it was fun, and then I was nervous again.

And ohmygoodness I’m not an actress, but I’d totally do it again just to have my hair and makeup done. Oh, and to have those guys from Funny Or Die tell me I’m great. I have to say, that in the normal course of my days I’d have to wait weeks to hear that I was “doing great”, but on set with them I only waited about twenty seconds. I don’t even care if they were telling the truth. It felt good.

I was finished with Funny or Die by three, and I came home, washed my face and fell into bed for a two hour nap.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ll spend most of the day tomorrow moving very slowly, and perhaps napping again. In reality I’m not a great traveler, but we’ve been just about everywhere this week.

I shot a quick video with my FOD hair and makeup done. I couldn’t quite let it go to waste.

I know many of you are passionate about this, both ways. I’d love to hear where you stand.

Last week we were supposed to be in Mexico. Unfortunately I have been starting treatments for my RA, and I absolutely could not be further than a car ride away from my specialists. We did a modified getaway and had a superb time. I got started on Prednisone, and I’ll need several posts to explain just how unpleasant (and sometimes scary) that drug felt.  It was nice to be able to move my hand (for a change), but the trade-off was jitters, nausea and insomnia. It was a difficult week for me.

Sunday morning the kids and I left for Orlando. The folks at Universal invited us here to check out the theme parks and hotels. Well, to be perfectly frank, they invited me and one kid here, so I did the tacky thing and asked if I could bring two. It’s not exactly Sophie’s Choice, but…

Jane, Alexander and I were on an 8 am flight from Los Angeles to Orlando. Once again I found myself on United, and once again I found myself absolutely delighted. Since our tickets were booked last minute all three of us had middle seats, and we were scattered all over the airplane. When I got to the gate I showed our tickets to the gate agent and explained that Jane is 11, but Alexander is just nine, and I’d really like to have them together. I could sit nearby, and I really wanted to be with my kids, but if she could only get two seats together I’d be very grateful.

And then the plane started boarding. They called first class, then section one, and as they were finishing section two the gate agent paged me.

She had three seats for us, all together. The kids gave her a chorus of “thank you’s” and when we boarded I realized she’d put us into Economy Plus. I wanted to run out of the plane and hug her, but I’m pretty sure she *might* not have appreciated it. So Ms. Gate Agent in Los Angeles, you know who you are, the blonde at the 8am flight, I owe you a hug, and the kids do too.

Unlike my flight earlier this month, I didn’t meet the captain, but they did give away a bunch of 10% off coupons for folks who listened in on the air traffic control channel. I love how United treats me as a passenger. Really, I do.

So we got through the five hour flight and my son literally hopped and jumped through the airport. It was like he had little springs on his feet. The flight was, quite simply, too long for his little body. We took the long way around the airport, and finally found our driver. Poor Alexander had to sit down and buckle up again. I felt like I was punishing him.

Our driver pulled out of the airport and began the twenty minute drive to the airport. He asked us if we’d ever been to Florida before, “nope, it sure is lush though”. And made some other small talk. Then he asked me when my return flight was, and I didn’t really have an answer for him. I hemmed and hawed, and as we drove through an elevated highway transition he pulled out his cellphone and started scanning the calendar.

My heart stopped. My children. Me!

I asked him if he could check all of that when we got to the hotel, and he was nice enough, but I was not recovering quite so quickly. I don’t know if Florida has texting and driving laws, but I know that California does. Since the loss of Dr. Frank Ryan I think we’re all on a heightened awareness.

So we arrive at the Hard Rock Hotel, and I swear it’s like we’re the Hatfields showing up. Jane and Alexander and strolling through the lobby Oh my gawding, and I’m dragging my luggage along, refusing help from the bellman, just because I’m really not in the mood for small talk.

As I check in and I’m trying to explain to the clerk that I’m not a bitch, I’m just bitchy because of the car ride. She gets sweeter and sweeter, and my stress melts away. Alexander then joins us, as she’s giving us our room keys (room keys that incidentally allow you to jump the line at the theme parks) Alexander looks at me and says, “Mom I don’t think Florida makes your hair look very good. It’s all frizzy in the front and it’s lumpy here and here and here.” And the little stinker walks around me patting the poofy parts of my hair, which is all of it.

Inside my head I’m screeching: Listen kid. I know I’m due for a Keratin Treatment, but we’re in Florida, no one knows us, and I’m rockin the JewFro*. Leave me alone.

I feel the bitchiness return, and I do not want to take it out on the clerk so I take my darling (but honest) children to our room.

The room is nice. It’s clean and fresh. It’s a standard room which is not how I typically travel with children (I’m a connecting room or a suite kind of mom), but we’re happy to see the room, and the kids are even happier to see goodie bags. There were plush toys, visors and Harry Potter things. I say things, because in reality I have no clue what they are.

And for me, there is a goodie bag, but also a mammoth fruit plate and bottles of water.

I am home.

We settle into the room and unpack (this is quick it’s a short trip) and I go into the bathroom to pee. Then I have to try to not cry. I’ve just finished a few weeks of antiinflammatories, steroids and antacids and my body really doesn’t even feel all that great, and peeing is the most exquisitely painful act. I am alone with two kids and I am brewing a urinary tract infection.Sucktastic.

Fortunately I have a good doctor. I was able to locate a 24 pharmacy (Walgreens around here closes at 6 on a Sunday) and my Doctor called in some pain relief as well as an antibiotic. We met up with the rest of the group, The Simpsons, Scooby Doo, and Woody the Woodpecker, and us Moms (and Aunts) realized that seven is the perfect age to meet characters. One of the kids was such a joy to watch interacting with the characters that I’m unable to wipe a grin from my face in the retelling of it. We then had an amazing dinner at The Kitchen, and after dinner the kids and I hopped into a taxi and got the goods.

Does anyone ever take a vacation without needing a prescription? You’ll be happy to know that I peed without crying, pyridium is very effective that way.

So I’m trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour (failed already) so that we can check out the theme park tomorrow.

Thus far we have a few things to report:

• the kids love me best
• the kids realize I have bad hair and would like me to fix it
• the kids are aware that this might be a three day sugar binge if they don’t sit next to me at all times
• The Hard Rock Hotel is less Rock and more Family than I’d have imagined.

If you know the difference between a Methodist, Lutheran and a Protestant Church I advise you to NOT use the term JewFro as you will be seen as anti-semetic. Catholics typically are able to get away with it for a time, as they share our passion for guilt, fattening food, wine, incense and candles. They also tend to have unruly hair, unlike the Protestants who taunt us with their blonde bobs.

I don’t know that I’ll ever find the words to fully articulate what happened this week.

Jane is growing, she’s within four inches of my height, and her hand mirrors mine when we clasp hands. She’s very much a child at just eleven, but wants desperately to be older. There is a new connection, a maturity in conversation. She’s silly, she’s little, but she’s stretching to ask me about more adult things, and she’s becoming very fashion conscious.

Alexander too is changing. He’s my sporty little boy, who wants nothing more than to be just like his father, but I looked at him this week through the lens of a camera and there were no round cheeks. My son has cheekbones.

There is no one little and round in my home any more. They’re still little, don’t get me wrong, I’m smack dab in the middle of parenting little kids.

But this week I clung to my kids, because we are wrapping up early childhood, and clearly moving to new phases. I love this, I love them, and for the first time in a very long time I’m not afraid of how quickly it all moves.

I’m not sure how much parents need to be aware of this. I know we’re supposed to watch for certain signs, but now I have to worry about teens and frogs and poop too?

Via: Medical Billing for JessicaGottlieb.com

Maybe in boxing there’s a girl who rings a bell. But checking into a hotel, one always asks for the bell boy or the bell man. One never asks for the bell girl.

We got the bell girl.

To start off our last family vacation we were both stupefied when a “bell girl” showed up to  carry our luggage to our room. Said bell girl was about 22, maybe 130 pounds, and close to six feet tall. A waif, if you will.

On what planet would my husband sit around and let a skinny scrawny girl carry his family’s luggage? Maybe every man who checks into the hotel should simply leave his nut sack as well as his AMEX?

Blah blah blah, feminism, equal rights, fine. But no bell girls.